How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle?

The general perception of People Pleasers is that they are kind and generous. But the main thing that gets unnoticed is that their behavior of pleasing others is self-destructive in nature. They put other’s needs before themselves and that can turn out to be really bad for them. This can happen out of the feeling of insecurity and low self-esteem. People increase their self-esteem or self-worth and strengthen their ego by satisfying other people’s needs.

They place their worth on how others perceive themselves. When this need of pleasing others crosses limits then it leads to causing harm to them only. It is basically an act of putting others on higher priority instead of self which is caused by the fear of not being socially accepted. It looks like selflessness but actually is a fear of not being liked. People often end up putting themselves in unfavorable situations so that others can regard them as great and like them better.

Signs that you are a People Pleaser

• You have negative and poor opinions about yourself.
• You always seek external validation.
• You can’t say no to others.
• You are not assertive.
• You avoid arguments all the time.
• You always apologize as you think it’s always your fault
• You agree to everything even if you want to disagree.

Practices to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle

Here are some tips on how to break the people-pleasing cycle:

1. Identify and set your boundaries

Make boundaries with people that you know you please a lot. Those boundaries will be your limits that you are going to maintain whenever they ask you for a favour. Those limits will determine that if the favour asked is okay for you or not. You have to learn how to not sacrifice your needs and desires for others every single time. Boundaries really help in new situations where you don’t know how to proceed but it will help you to not cross limits and stand up for yourself. It makes you stay within a comfortable space and not let anyone interfere with that space.

2. Increase your self-esteem

Low self-esteem exits because one doesn’t value themselves and don’t have positive good quality relationships in life. Having people around who are good for our mental health will refrain us from being a people pleaser. Also, one can learn to stay kind to them instead of always being self-critical. Always criticising oneself can lower confidence level and people often seek validation from others instead of doing internal validation.

3. Resist yourself from solving everyone else’s problem

One has to realize that it is not their responsibility to solve everyone’s problem. Most people don’t realize that when other people appreciate them it should not be the basis of their self-worth. One should learn to not feel guilty about disappointing someone and not being hard on themselves. Otherwise, people can easily take advantage of people who help others in any situation without giving a second thought. One should start caring for others instead of always resolving their problems by taking the entire burden on them.

4. Learn to compliment yourself

Sometimes, people have low self-confidence which makes them work for others crossing all the limits to boost their social acceptance. Instead of making others happy, one should learn to make themselves happy by doing positive self-talk. These powerful positive phrases generate positive feelings and are good for mental health also. Compliments like following can be given to self:

• I am proud of my accomplishments
• I am hard working
• I am the best version of myself
• I deserve all the success and good things
• I am thankful for everything I have in my life
• I am doing everything right for myself

5. Learn to say no

Saying no is not a bad thing at all. It doesn’t mean that you are rejecting someone but if said politely it can show that you are just busy right now and don’t have the time or resources to meet the demands of the other person. You have to constantly remind yourself that your time is also valuable and it should be respected as well. You can use the following statements to say no to someone politely:

• I’d love to help but my schedule is too tight right now.
• Sorry. I am going somewhere that day.
• I’d love that but can we do it some other time?
• Let me think about it.

6. Make yourself a priority

Self-care is important as it is a necessity and not something that could be an option. Start valuing yourself and put yourself first in every situation. Start journaling so that you can keep a track on your progress. Also, set boundaries with others so that you always protect yourself and keep yourself at uppermost priority always. One should learn to prioritize oneself and then comes family, friends, work, money and other things.

Speak to Counsellor at OnlineCounselling4U

OnlineCounselling4U provides online counselling services which includes professionals who can help with a variety of mental problems and issues. Psychologists/Counsellors/Therapists available at OnlineCounselling4U can help you listen, offer solutions and even provide support. These services are available in the form of chat, email, phone, or video calls. You can now access professional assistance from the comfort of your own home. OnlineCounselling4U allows you to connect with various Mental Health Experts who will be there for you when you need them. So, if you think that you are people pleaser and need help then get in touch with our Psychologists/Counsellors today to resolve your mental health issues from the root.

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