10 Ways to Stop Begging for Attention in a Relationship

Do you find yourself seeking your partner’s attention most often? Do you feel anxious with a constant need for your partner’s attention and reassurance even though your partner loves you a lot and you have a happy and secure relationship? Then, it’s time to stop begging for attention and start using the ways that will not only help you grow and find happiness within yourself but will also help you to have a good relationship with your partner without the need to beg for attention.

The definition of a healthy relationship is to have a secure connection with your partner with a sense of self without relying on external validations. At the same time, in a healthy relationship both the partners should feel that they are receiving their share of love and not feeling neglected. Who doesn’t like attention, especially from their partner? But maintaining your dignity, self-esteem and self-respect is equally important. So, if you are tired from constantly begging for attention from your partner, spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, we are here to help you out with the most possible ways but at the same time you can get insight about the actual reasons that might be the reason behind your behavior of begging for attention. If we start expecting our partner to give us the exact amount of attention that we want at a certain point of time then it is not possible most of the time because our partner can’t read our mind. We have to communicate and tell our needs to them.

Talking about begging for attention we have to deeply think about two things – is your partner not giving you your share of attention and focusing more on other parts of their life? or, your partner is putting all their effort into giving you attention and love that they can and they make you realize that you are important to them through their actions but still you crave for their attention? Do you feel bad if he gives attention to his/her friends, family, colleagues and you want all of his attention for yourself? If your answer for the first question is positive then it means you need to sit with your partner and talk about your relationship. But if you answered the second part of the question in a positive way then you are at the right place. Before jumping to the ways you can control and stop yourself from begging for attention in your relationship, we have to understand the possible reasons for your attention seeking behavior.

Possible Reasons that makes you feel like Begging for Attention

A. You have an Anxious ambivalent Attachment Style

People with this type of attachment style might arise because of two reasons – either you had an insecure relationship with your mother/caregivers or you had an experience of insecure attachment in your other relationships. This attachment style in your childhood can affect your relationships in later life. In an adult, this attachment style results into anxious and needy behavior, low self-esteem, a want to be close with others but are afraid people don’t want to be with them, a constant worry of being abandoned by their partner, they are overly dependent in relationships, they crave for attention, closeness and intimacy and they have a frequent requirement for lots of attention and reassurance that people care about them.

B. You have Low Self-esteem

When someone has low self-esteem it creates an impact not only on their life but on their relationship as well. A person with low self-esteem has deep insecurities like feeling unworthy of love and a fear of losing that love along with attention seeking behavior. Trying too hard to hold on to something results in clingy behavior. Low self-esteem also takes away your identity as you give yourself to the relationship so much that it leaves you confused about yourself and what to do when you are alone. A person with low self-esteem also lacks in setting boundaries in their relationships. Even though you don’t like the way your partner is treating you or you want your partner to treat you in a certain way you don’t discuss it with them in the fear of losing them.

10 Ways to stop begging for attention in a relationship

1. Focus on yourself.

The best way to shift your focus from your partner is to focus on yourself. Engage yourself in activities that you like, if you are career oriented try to focus on your personal growth and career development that will benefit your career goals, if you have hobbies such as singing, dancing, painting, cooking etc. engage yourself in these. These activities will help you to enjoy your own company and not begging for attention.

2. Spend time with friends.

After forming a relationship most of the time we involve ourselves in the relationship so much that we don’t get time to meet or talk to our friends. If you start spending time with your friends then it will engage your mind and you’ll feel good relieving old memories and making new memories with your friends and at the same time you’ll be free from the thoughts of not getting attention from your partner.

3. Give space to each other.

In a relationship where both the people are very attached to each other needs to have some space from time to time. Spending time together is important but too much clinginess and attention seeking is not good for the relationship either. You have to understand that you both are different individuals and you both have your lives outside the relationship. You both have other people in your lives, your hobbies might be different, your preferences for spending free time might be different. Give each other that space to live your life (outside the relationship) your own way.

4. Communicate about each other’s needs.

In any relationship, communication is very important. Be assertive. Communicate about the needs of each other, your expectations from each other, the ways you and your partner can make each other feel loved and understood. Your partner might be a person who couldn’t show and doesn’t know how to show their love for you but if you tell them they’ll love you the way you like it, they can give you the attention that you need and you can do the same. When we start to feel for someone we shower love like the way we want but the ideal thing to do is to know about their love language and show love accordingly.

5. Focus on realistic expectations.

When we form a relationship our expectations follow. But having expectations that are not realistic will hurt you at the end of the day. Instead of unrealistic expectations, have realistic ones. To expect from your partner that he/she will sit for hours after coming back from work on a daily basis and give you attention is an unrealistic expectation because after a hectic day at work your partner might be feeling tired and sleepy and it might not be possible for him/him to do this as a routine on a daily basis.

6. Consider Professional Help.

Constantly begging for attention can be a result of your previous toxic romantic relationships that might have increased your self doubt or your childhood experiences, the way your parents treated you or a childhood trauma or a constant sense of insecurity in your adolescence caused by your appearance or academic performance. If you have experienced being left alone or not being chosen or if you are fearful that you are not enough and people can replace you by someone else then these might result in your attention seeking behavior in a relationship. If you seek professional help it will help you gain insight about the reason behind your attention seeking behavior. Also, you and your partner can consider couple therapy to make your relationship better and to understand the needs and ways to fill the gaps in your relationship and make it more fruitful.

7. Think from your partner’s Point of View.

Sometimes people don’t reciprocate the way we want it because they are not aware of it. There is a possibility that your partner is so busy with their work that they are not aware of the attention that you are seeking from them. As you expect your partner to give you attention the same way you should also try to understand the reasons why they are not able to give you that much attention.

8. Fix a time to spend Together.

It is very common that your free time is clashing with your partner’s work time. The only way you have in this case is to fix a time to spend together without any disturbance and distractions. Fixing a time will not only give you both undivided attention from each other but also both of you will get excited and you’ll wait for that time to come. You can plan small surprises or tokens of love for your partner to make them feel special.

9. Take a small break.

Most couples forget that sometimes taking a small break from the monotonous life is also important. It will give you both some time to live your life as you used to live before the relationship. You can go for a solo trip or on a trip with friends, or you can just have an all boys/all girls night at a place. This break will provide a chance to miss each other and it will help you get back the spark again and it might reduce your constant begging for attention. But you have to keep in mind to not give too much space also, otherwise this space might result in the entry of a third person between you two.

10. Put yourself First.

Last but not the least, if you feel that your needs are not met at all even after you discussed with your partner about the attention you are expecting along with other needs and you feel that you deserve better than this then come out of the relationship and put your priorities and needs first because if you’re not happy in a relationship then you can’t make your partner and your relationship happy. I know getting out of a relationship is a big decision, before taking this huge step you must try all the ways that you can and you can share your thoughts with your partner about this but if still nothing changes then it’s better to find someone who is emotionally available for you.

Get in touch with Psychologists and Counsellors at OnlineCounselling4U

OnlineCounselling4U offers the best counseling service for relationship issues, marital issues, low self-esteem and break-up. You can find certified psychologists who speak your own language and that too while you are in your own comfort place, your home. You can have one on one sessions without breaching confidentiality. You can talk to the psychologists freely because in OnlineCounselling4U psychologists are non-judgemental, open-minded and accepting in nature. You can book your appointments for any time of the day. The psychologists are always ready to help you with your issues.

Call us to book a session today.

Contact us at +91 9811335150

Email us – info@onlinecounselling4u.com

Follow us on Facebook or Instagram