10 Common Mistakes to Avoid In the First Year of Marriage

The first year of marriage is the beginning of a wonderful journey together. There are many ups and downs. It is a transition phase. This journey is filled with excitement. The initial rush of love, adjustment issues with the new family, and of course the newlywed couples cannot be ignored. There are high chances of misunderstandings, fights, and cold wars between the couple and among the family members.

I still remember the day when I got married and entered into a new realm of relationships it was a new experience of newfound love and also a plethora of adjustments and emotions that were coming along with me as baggage and was a part of the newlywed life. The initial rush of the romance of intimacy and the anxiety of adjustment to the new relationship always make butterflies flutter in your stomach and it isn’t easy.

All the couples go to this face of life. Two people coming from different cultures and different backgrounds with different sets of virtues and values come together to form a bond for a lifetime. The initial days of marriage are not a cakewalk for everyone. A couple explores each other they try to adjust with each other accustoming to the new customs and traditions of the family. There are always chances of being judged scrutinized and criticized for one and many reasons. These things are quite common in the initial years of marriage but how we navigate through these circumstances is the key ingredient for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

A couple tries to adjust to each other accustomed to each other, they try to learn new things about each other. It’s a whole new experience. But one must avoid certain mistakes to have a fulfilling relationship and these mistakes are quite common as we commit them unknowingly.

The 10 mistakes that we make in the initial first year of marriage

1. Trying to change the spouse

This is the first and one of the major mistakes that we commit in the relationship. In the initial years of marriage, we have a present image of our so-called spouse. And we try to change the other person to fit into the brackets. In this fit of changing the other person feels overpowered by the spouse. Which is not healthy for the relationship.

This kind of mistake in the initial days of marriage will definitely have an impact on the personality, and the confidence of the other person, making him/ her feel low. Rather one should practice acceptance. Accepting the person as it is and accustoming oneself to the other person is a much healthier way towards a fulfilling relationship.

2. Setting unrealistic expectations

It is okay to expect something from the spouse but having unrealistic expectations is one of the biggest pitfalls that a couple faces during the initial days of the marriage. Expecting the other person to understand you completely since day one, or being able to hear the unheard, and being able to read your mind is something unrealistic expectation. Instead of expecting learning to be more understanding and empathetic will always help and breed healthy emotions between the couple.

3. Lack of communication

Communication is the foundation for any successful marriage or any relationship. One should discuss feelings needs and concerns in a healthy way and express negative emotions and fears in a subtle way. The choice of words makes a great impact on communication. In the initial days of marriage, a couple expects each other to understand each other without communicating their feelings openly. This doesn’t work in reality. Hence communication is the key to healthy a marriage. One can experience a fulfilling relationship with active listening and empathy.

4. Expecting perfection

Expecting perfection is one of the major mistakes. Expecting yourselves to be flawless to be picture-picture-perfect will always lead to disappointment and frustration. This will have a negative impact on the boarding romance and intimacy. Rather communicate what you’re expecting and accept the other person with all the flaws. It takes time for a person to achieve the so-called perfection. It is an ongoing process. Embracing each other with perfection will help the couple grow together and navigate through the ups and downs of life smoothly.

5. Comparison

Comparison is always unhealthy to marriage. Every couple is different so are their needs, and circumstances and so is their relationship. Comparison leads to unhealthy expectations and leads to dissatisfaction. Instead of comparing your married life with other couples, it’s always better to focus on your relationship and work on what is missing in your married life.

6. Not respecting boundaries

Many couples set boundaries at the time of marriage or before marriage itself. Sometimes the boundaries are unsaid but it makes great sense to respect them. When the lines are crossed it leads to conflicts leading to falling out of falling out of the marriage. Not respecting boundaries is an unhealthy gesture. Hence understand, empathise, even though the boundaries are not set in reality by using one’s cognition and respect the boundaries in the relationship.

7. Avoiding conflicts

Conflicts are a natural part of the relationship. Couples try to avoid each other to avoid conflicts. But this isn’t a healthy habit. Rather than avoiding, try to find a midway for all the conflicting situations. Most of the time many conflicts cannot be resolved it gets resolved over a period of time on its own as time is the healer. Understand this and allow each other to grow out of the conflicting situations and support each other in such testing times.

8. Taking each other for granted

As time passes it is the biggest mistake that the couple makes is to take each other for granted. They fail to acknowledge each other’s sacrifices, small supporting acts, and other things that they do for each other. Continuing to express appreciation and gratitude towards one another makes the partner feel valued and motivates them to be supportive in the coming years too.

9. Failing to compromise

Stubbornly holding on to doing things your own way can always lead to conflicts which is not healthy for the relationship. Marriage is marriage is union of not just 2 people but too families as a whole. Hence compromises become inevitable. Be open to compromises. This will add value growth and meaning to the marriage.

10. Ignoring red flags

The initial days of marriage are full of love for each other. If not for both, at least either of the partners is completely absorbed into the other person and tries to ignore the red flags in the relationship. These red flags could be, lack of trust, lack of interest in intimacy and sex life, avoiding face-to-face communication, avoiding the partner, withdrawal symptoms etc. If this is the scenario in the initial years of marriage then it’s high time to seek help from the senior members of the family, friends or counsellor.

How marriage counselling can help in this?

A marriage counsellor plays a pivotal role in resolving marital issues and relationship issues at any stage of life. It is always in the best interest of the relationship if a couple reaches out for help in the initial days. A marriage counsellor can help in various ways with effective tools and strategies to build a healthy relationship and enjoy the place of marriage.

• Conflict resolution techniques
• Effective communication techniques
• Bridging the gap in the relationship
• Setting realistic expectations
• Identifying and resolve issues
• Strengthening emotional intimacy
• Providing a midway solution for complex situations
• Addressing individual needs
• Create a support system

How OnlineCounselling4U can help in resolving marital and relationship issues?

One can always reach out to a marriage counsellor at OnlineCounselling4U anytime from anywhere. This platform provides the best marriage counselling services through chats, emails, tele calls, and video call services. OnlineCounselling4U has the best team of relationship experts and marriage counsellors who will help you navigate through the blues of the initial days of marriage. As it is rightly said the earlier the better, call us now to book a session.

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